Becoming unconditional
We knew our China trip would change us. We saw the Eat, Pray, Love of it clearly. But in the run-up the reality of fitting it into the travelling circus of our lives made connecting with real depth difficult, especially for me. Nurhaan and Ani shared their thoughts, their feelings and their pain, while I promised to listen to their voice notes as soon as I had time to take it in. Eventually I became efficient and Googled Chinese spirituality hoping for a deep-dive into meaning.
Exit the Dragon; Enter the Phoenix
Traditional Chinese culture overflows with symbolism but amongst the many possibilities, what resonated the most for me was the Phoenix as a symbol of transformation and renewal. Nothing new and even a bit clichéd really. But yet I couldn't get it out of my mind in the context of Alan's and Ani's dad's passing. It felt relevant to me too, even though I haven't recently lost anyone.
Then Ani told me she couldn't stop thinking about it either. She'd read that the phoenix represented the femine as a balance to the powerful male symbol of the dragon. Together, they represented the dance of pure love - as in a higher love, beyond earthly, human emotions. It happened that Nurhaan and I had had a conversation about this very concept just the night before. We'd spoken about a love that exists beyond death. What started as a quick-fix attempt to find my own meaning ended up completing a circle of sorts for the three of us when we remembered that Alan had a dragon tattoo.
In very different ways we all have a male presence, a dominant male presence, whose absence we need to heal from. We all need to find a more nourishing, and fuller, acceptance of the love that exists regardless of the physical realities we find ourselves in, with or without them.
If we truly believe that we are more than our physical bodies, which was the fundamental thought behind the peace with which she and Alan finally navigated his physical transition, then we must be able to experience love beyond the physical. And that is what we are going to find.